Ramayana becomes Ravayana


Chapter 5 of “Sherlock Holmes and the Tweaking of Time”

“Re-writing world history is a demanding job”


“Tri-kala-jna? Oh yes!” exclaims Moriarty, “Master of past, present and future, that I will become! Precisely, I will be the greatest Philosopher of all time!”

Thereafter, Moriarty recruits some old Professor buddies of his, some philologist and linguistic scholars from Oxford University. Promising them the adventure of a lifetime, Moriarty dispatches them via the time machine into the past & future. Some are teleporting to the age of Lord Rama and Ravana, to the Isle of Sri Lanka. Some scholars are teleported to the ancient time of Sri Krishna … to the battlefield of Kurushetra … and some are unsuccessfully trying to enter the village of Vrndavan.

Moriarty sends men to find the tunnel to El Dorado and the legends of gold .. and he sends men to different times of past and future ….

“We have news from the El Dorado mission, my Lord,” says Vince. “They say that men are giants in that age, we are like midgets next to them.”

“Well,” said Moriarty, “we’re on a tight schedule, and re-writing world history is a demanding job and my minions must meet my timetable, or all is lost … and losing, that’s not an option … by the way, where are the men I sent to Jaipur?”

Vinny murmured sheepishly, “we were delayed, just a small problem, it seems, my lord, that your men have become hooked on hashish, it is so easy to procure, street vendors are everywhere … and they are sitting around stoned, listening to tales of Sri Krishna in the Mahabharta with a look of wonder and bliss while the local sadhus read from Mahabharata, and they wear a white cloth wrapped around in weird fashion, and have clay marking on their forehead, and thus they have completely forgotten why and how they came to this land of India.”

Moriarty screams, “Dispatch a detail at once to India, and grab them by their necks and shake these poor diluted fools out of their pipe dreams! Then teleport them to me!’

“I fear that the bad news gets a little darker, my lord, it seems that the men we sent to the future, to the 60’s in San Francisco, well, there were these hippies, and our men got turned on to LSD, and some came back, some didn’t, and the men who came back, were attired in tye-dye shirts, beads, long hair, muttering slogans like “peace brother! All power to the people!”

Moriarty quickly decides to take advantage of the situation, and instructed his men to go back to the 60’s and score a batch of LSD, so that he could take the psychedelic drug to the ancient times of the Mahabharta, to the Kurushetra battlefield, so to make it seem that Krishna’s pastimes are pipe dreams, psychotic episodes … “what a brilliant plan,” said Moriarty to himself as a wicked smile adorned his countenance.

As some of Moriarty’s men teleport to the ancient land of Sri Lanka, Sherlock dispatches his trusted man, Orwell, to the same Sri Lanka, as a spy in disguise. Orwell observes the actions of Moriarty’s men, and he writes the story on a paper scroll and hides it under a marble slab in a Siva temple. And thus, a million years later, Sherlock and Chandra and Orwell retrieve the scroll from the same temple and Orwell reads the scroll that he wrote a million years ago, and thus he narrates their adventures;

“Moriarty’s men entered Sri Lanka through a small hole in the gigantic wall that surrounded the city, and then they skulked through lavish boulevards paved with gold, stopping every few feet to gawk in wonder at the incredible structural designs, and statues adorning many mansions dotting the avenues … and they heard loud noises in the sky and looked to see huge Vimana aeroplanes flying overhead. Entering a large park, they see the incomparable beauty of a Goddess, languishing in the midst of the Asoka grove,” and Orwell pauses a moment to interject, “I’ve read the Ramayana many times, and to teleport there and see the actual forms of Sita and Hanuman was incredible.”


“And so, the dwarfish men see many grotesque monsters, green and orange monstrosities roaming about, some had long necks and legs, and dagger-like teeth. They can no longer hide their presence from the eyes of the monstrous fiends; soon they are captured and dragged into Ravana’s court. Standing there in stuptification, they stare at the inner magnificent courtroom in amazement, especially the surreal spectacle of Ravana’s ten heads, all of which are rhythmically gyrating in hypnotic circles, suddenly expanding as if to encompass the entire room, then all 20 eyes are maliciously gazing through the gateway of our two eyes, into our sizzling brain, as if you were the only one there, their penetrating eyes seem to bore a hole right into our very soul.”


Ravana said, “where did these delightful little creatures come from? … these green little midgets!, they look so cute and delicious!, they shall be my pre-dinner appetizers … yes, I surmise that their flesh is soft and scrumptious! All my 10 mouths are watering, and my teeth shiver in eagerness, to chomp on the tender little morsels! Cooks, prepare the kitchen to fry these here-said delicacies in celestial ghee!! .. What? Wait a minute, do they speak? Yes little man, give us a few last words, or give us a joke or two … buy some time, before giving us the entrée of your tender flesh! Heh heh.

The midget replied as follows, “Before eating us, oh great one,” he said with a smile, “you might want to hear about our visions of the future … to be more precise, they are the bright and sparkling visions of your illustrious future … your eternal fame.”

Upon hearing these words, Ravana’s countenance suddenly switched from culinary lust to that of wonder and amazement. Then he said, as he signaled with a forefinger for the cooks to hold off a second or two, “But what future has not been revealed to me by my numerous seers, I’ve retained ample astrologers, one for each head!” The other 9 heads turned towards the speaker head and nodded their confirmations.

“But do they see piles of gold in your near future?” said the dwarf, with a smile of utter confidence that the king would compulsively take the bait with great haste, and his captive midget would unceremoniously reel the monster in … hook, line, and sinker …

Taken back a little, Ravana hesitated for a moment to think, and then he retorted with a booming voice, “But I see gold everywhere in my kingdom!”

“But my dear king, is it really enough?” challenged the grinning dwarf … with a smile that threw down a gauntlet challenge to a duel of wits…

Ravana said, “I admit, I don’t always have humongous piles of gold, and I am never sated with the gold that I have. I enjoy 10 thousand maidens in my harem, but there’s never enough gold to cover their luscious bodies to my complete satisfaction.”

“We can help you with that … that is … unless you would rather eat us?

“No, no, I got plenty of flesh, all stocked up on that commodity. My soldiers make sure we have mounds of dead carcasses, stacked up to the sky, and we feed on them for a week or so, then the flesh gets a little rancid, and the crows and vultures are taking over, then we move on to fresher meat, more recent kills … so, let’s talk about that gold, and this better not be some magical trick…”

“Oh no, we would never think to defraud the great Ravana ….. as for payment, we only ask for a few soldiers to help us in a little skirmish we are planning some day in the future.”

“Granted,” said Ravana .. [Rakshakas to fight for Moriarty in the Kurusetra war..]

“There will soon be written a enormous book, a grand saga, that will live throughout the eons of history, by the name of “Ramayana” … wherein the sadhus want to claim that Rama is the hero of that book, and all of history. And so, we shall change that book so as to make you, Ravana, the real hero of Ramayana … we will change the book title to “Ravayana” … 🙂


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